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8:45 am- Wednesday morning, I'm sipping down the last few drops of my coffee getting ready to head in to work. I was thinking about how my day was going to look, when my beautiful wife sticks her head around the corner and says, "I should warn you, I think I'm leaking."
My first thought, "Leaking? Humans don't leak."
"I don't know if that means my water has broke or not." Jami elaborated.
Understand that this is a lot to take in before having a full cup of coffee, I'm still a little groggy and zombie-like at this point. Jami tells me she'll keep me posted on her plumbing issues as I head out the door and off to work, my mind never really registering the weight of her words.
10:15 am- I'm sitting behind my desk typing some emails, when my phone rings. "My water's broke, they want me to come in." Jami said rather bluntly.
"Who is this?" I offered.
The oxygen level in the office immediately drops by 82%. My saliva glands unanimously agree that it would be in everybody's best interest to stop working, and my mouth feels like I just had a snack of cotton balls, sand, and crackers. Adrenaline releases into the bloodstream, which tailspins me into hyper-alert mode. Unfortunately, though I'm hyper-alert, I have no real direction; as such, I'm kind of like a crazed lumberjack lost in the woods hacking his way through the forest cutting down a lot of trees but not really getting anywhere.
10:17 am- In a moment of clarity, I realize that I should probably pick Jami up, seeing as she is the one carrying the children in her womb. I make it from my desk to the driver's seat of the Pontiac Vibe in just three strides. (note to self: Check with Guiness Book of World records to see if I've set a new land speed record...will probably need to measure distance)
I take off in the Vibe, and reach 80 mph before I've even left the parking lot. A slew of injured critters, and possibly a sweet elderly woman in a motorized cart, mark the trail I blazed back to my house; they should've seen me coming...I had my hazard lights on.
I make it home in just under 13 seconds. I walk in the door and see Jami is comforting the dog, or maybe it was the other way around, I didn't stop to ask. I hurdled both dog and spouse, head to the bedroom to pack my bag; socks...check, underwear...check, sweatpants...check, t-shirts...check, jeans...check, toiletries...check. For some reason I ask Jami if I should pack my bathing suit? Not sure what I was thinking there, perhaps I might have time for a leisurely swim before we bring two new lives into the world.
I stuff my items into my bag and sling it over my shoulder. I race out into the hall, I pick Jami up in a fireman's carry and sprint towards the car. I throw Jami into the car, and realize that in my haste I accidentally picked up Bailey our Golden Retriever. I go back into the house with dog, exchange her for the wife, she refuses to be carried, I still have no saliva and can't seem to get enough O2 into my system. I'm trying to stay composed so I don't panic Jami, inside I'm a hot mess and I'm afraid it's starting to show.
10:20 am- With 2 car seats, a double stroller, breast pump, diaper bag, mom's bag, my bag, and my contracting wife in tow; I pull out of the drive way and make a B-line towards the hospital. The sound of steadied breathing filled the car. Breathe in 2, 3, 4...out 2, 3, 4. I talked myself through these ancient breathing techniques desperately trying to calm myself down, Jami was having a pleasant conversation on the phone.
10:21 am-We pulled into the hospital, I parked in the closest space available. As I ushered Jami from the car, I struggled to swallow because my saliva had yet to make its trumphant return. Voices were shouting at me from every direction, confusing me. I was unsure which voice to listen to.
"Sir you can't park here!"
"Sir you need to move your car immediately!"
"Sir this zone is for ambulances only, you're blocking an emergency lane!"
With squealing tires, I started to take off towards more civilian type parking. Jami's contractions were picking up in intenstiy, so she serenely suggested I drop her off out front; as serenely as a woman can be when she has a vice grip around her husbands throat. I dropped Jami off and moved my car to the next closest parking space, conveniently located in the long term parking lot several miles from any entrance. As I rode the tram back to the hospital's main entrance, I sounded the alarm to alert the media that I was about to become a father. Two mass texts to our friends; and a phone call to mom and dad, "come on if, you're comin!", was all my saliva deprived mouth could say. I stood before the entrance of Clarian Hospital, like Frodo before the gates of Mordor, I knew my life was about to be radically changed.
to be continued...
